Estate Planning for Chosen Family & Blended Friend Groups: Protecting the People Who Actually Show Up for You — Especially During the Holidays

Thanksgiving has a way of reminding us who our real family is. Sometimes it’s the relatives we grew up with… but just as often, it’s the people sitting around the Friendsgiving table — the ones who bring a dish, stay to clean up, check on you when you’re stressed, and make you feel seen.

As gatherings become more inclusive and friendships become lifelines, the idea of “family” has shifted. For millennials, Gen Z, LGBTQ+ individuals, single adults, transplants living states away from relatives, and anyone who has built a support system from the ground up, family is no longer defined by DNA. It’s defined by presence, love, and consistency.

Yet while our relationships have modernized, the law has not. Estate laws still default to biological and legally recognized relatives, even if they’re not the people you celebrate Thanksgiving with, call during a crisis, or trust with your secrets.

This blog explores why estate planning is essential for people whose families are chosen — and why, as we sit at Thanksgiving tables full of friends and blended households, now is the perfect moment to make sure the people who show up for you are legally protected too.

Why Chosen Family Needs Legal Protection

Around the holidays, many people feel the absence of legal recognition in a deeper way. If you’ve ever spent Thanksgiving with friends because your biological relatives weren’t involved, weren’t safe to be around, or lived far away, then you already understand how real chosen family can be.

But when someone passes away without an estate plan, state law ignores the people who actually shared the holiday table with them. Instead, it immediately prioritizes next-of-kin: biological parents, siblings, or extended relatives.

Your best friend? No rights. Your long-term partner who isn’t legally recognized? Potentially shut out entirely. Your roommate who cooks Thanksgiving dinner with you every year? Legally invisible.

This isn’t hypothetical — it happens constantly.

Take Maya, 34. She lived with her two closest friends, Sam and Jordan — the same people she hosted Friendsgiving with every year. When Maya died unexpectedly without an estate plan, her estranged parents inherited everything. Sam and Jordan weren’t even allowed to touch her room. Her true family — the one she celebrated holidays and life with — had no legal standing.

Estate planning is what prevents that kind of heartbreak.

Naming the People Who Actually Belong in Your Inner Circle

Thanksgiving conversations often include those “just in case” talks with the people who matter most. The ones who would drop everything for you. Those are the people who should be legally named to handle your affairs.

This includes:

• A healthcare proxy

• HIPAA access

• Power of attorney

• Executor

• Trustee (if you have a trust)

• A digital executor for online assets

Without these documents, the law hands your decisions to biological relatives — even if they haven’t shared a holiday with you in years.

Leo, 29, learned this painfully. He was estranged from his parents and extremely close to his college roommate, Ethan, who had been at every holiday dinner for a decade. When Leo was hospitalized after an accident, Ethan wasn’t allowed to visit or receive updates. If Leo had legally named him, Ethan would have been the first person at his bedside.

Using a Will to Protect the Friends Who Are Like Family

Thanksgiving often brings up memories, traditions, and the sentimental items that connect us. But without a will, the people who treasure those items most won’t receive them.

Friends — even lifelong ones — have zero legal rights unless you write your wishes down.

Consider Alyssa, a photographer whose closest friend Cara helped grow her Instagram account. Cara was the person Alyssa cooked with, traveled with, and celebrated holidays with — the person she always said she’d leave the account to. But because this wish was never documented, everything went to her biological brother, who later deleted her account.

A simple will could’ve saved her creative legacy.

How a Living Trust Can Strengthen Protection

If you share a home with chosen family — a common setup especially around the holidays — a trust can protect the life you’ve built together. Trusts avoid probate, reduce court interference, and prevent biological relatives from overriding your wishes.

Chris, Daniel, and Morgan bought a home together and hosted every Thanksgiving as a trio. By placing their home in a trust, they ensured that if one of them passed away, the others could stay in the home without fear of legal battles from relatives.

Safeguarding Shared Living Arrangements

Many chosen families live together, build traditions together, and create shared spaces filled with memories — sometimes more meaningful than any biological childhood home. Without planning, one person’s passing can disrupt the entire household.

Nicole, for example, lived with her three best friends for eight years. They always hosted Friendsgiving together. When she passed, her biological sister inherited her share of the property and demanded the home be sold. A trust or a will could have protected the friends she considered family.

Don’t Forget the Pets — Because Pets Are Family Too

Holidays often highlight how deeply bonded we are to our pets. They sit under the table waiting for turkey scraps, appear in holiday photos, and bring comfort in stressful seasons.

But legally, pets are property.

Ravi shared custody of his dog with his best friend Jamie — the same friend he spent every Thanksgiving with. When Ravi passed, his parents tried to claim the dog and sell him. Jamie had to fight for months to get him back. A simple pet clause in a will could have avoided all of it.

Protecting Your Digital Life & Online Communities

For many people, online spaces are where they spend holidays when they can’t be with loved ones. Discord, gaming groups, fandoms, and online communities often feel just as real and supportive as in-person family.

Without naming a digital executor, these communities can be shut out completely.

Tess, who ran a gaming community with two close friends, passed away without designating anyone for her digital life. Her family shut down all her accounts, cutting her online “family” off from years of shared history.

Having Honest Conversations with Your Chosen Family

Thanksgiving is one of the few times of year when people gather, talk openly, and reflect. It’s the perfect opportunity to discuss wishes, responsibilities, and where documents are kept.

Ben, 52, named his closest friend Sasha as his executor but never told her. When his lawyer called, she felt overwhelmed. A holiday conversation — honest, calm, and warm — could have avoided the stress.

Final Thoughts: Estate Planning Honors the Family You Built

Thanksgiving reminds us that family isn’t always biological — it’s intentional. It’s the people who bring dishes to your table, lift you through tough seasons, share your celebrations, and love you without conditions.

Estate planning gives you the power to:

✔ Protect the people who actually show up 

✔ Prevent legal interference from estranged relatives 

✔ Preserve your home, memories, and holiday traditions 

✔ Ensure your belongings go to the right people 

✔ Shape your legacy on your own terms

Your estate plan should reflect the family you choose — the ones you laugh with, cook with, celebrate Thanksgiving with, and trust with your life.

And there’s no better time than this season of gratitude to make sure they are legally protected.